Reflections on 32 Years of Recovery by Mark Ayers

Reflections on 32 Years of Recovery

                 by Mark Ayers

~ Dedicated to Michael S., one of the dearest companions on my journey.

He embodies “to carry this message” to the still-suffering addict.

On my 32nd anniversary of sobriety,

I take time to recollect,

Enjoy the moment,

And look toward the future.

Recollections…

I recall this dark chapter of my life:

The addiction was insidious,

Controlling my body, mind and soul.

Immersed in secrecy, I led a double life

And spiraled downwards until

I became someone I hated.

Powerless to stop,

Sowing incessant unmanageability,

I sought a doorway out of this existence.

A turning point…

A glimmer of hope emerges:

Though feeling timid, shame-filled, unworthy.

I walk into my first 12-Step meeting

On August 28, 1988.

I believe if people in the room really know me,

I will be rejected and ostracized.

Instead I am welcomed and accepted.

Miraculously, the more they come to know me,

The more they love me, and I begin to change.

Enjoy the moment…

Fast forward 32 years:

I’m not the person I once used to be.

Myriad wounds are healed.

Forgiveness has become a daily practice.

I injure no one, including myself,

And I’m buoyed by expansive support.

Indeed, I’ve created a family of choice,

Five young men of right actions and integrity.

I am enveloped in grace and blessing.

Looking toward the future…

I seek a husband with whom

I can intertwine my life’s richness.

I strive to release my poetic self

And I welcome the re-imagined me.

As my first grandchild will soon be born,

I aspire to be the nurturing grandpa I never knew.

Ultimately, I intend to walk this pathway

Until my final breath, leaving a legacy

Of a better world for my having been here.

Note: Rev. Ann Rea of the Everyday Center for Spiritual Living in Santa Fe, New Mexico inspired the framework for this poem.